Big Voice
Big Voice
The clouds parted, and the heavens opened, and lo a booming voice saith unto me, in full deep vibrato,
“Thou are’t surely a stupid ass.”
And I saith unto the booming voice –
“Aren’t you supposed to tell me something I don’t already know?”
Then saith the deep voice – “You didn’t let me finish.”
Whereupon I exclaimed ; “What! The clouds part, the heavens opened, the birds stopped chirping, and you tell me I’m a stupid ass, and I’m supposed to wait for more!?
Oh yes. . . let me just twiddle my thumbs here, and pace about in quiet anticipation. . .
Go on. . .”
“I knew that would get your attention. It always does.” Said the booming voice.
“Why do you have to aggravate the piss out of me every damn time I am supposed to learn something? Aren’t we supposed to be spiritually married? You could stop trying to impress me and help me sort the socks around here, you know. . . And would it hurt to have some chocolates and roses with a lesson once in a while?” I asked.
“Roses have thorns, which you would complain about, and the chocolates might make you fat, for which you would also blame me.” The voice said.
“So what you are saying, . . . is that I’m a stupid ass?”
“Exactly!” the booming voice laughed.
I kept my mouth shut and waited this time.
“You know, you could have a career as a writer” said, Big Voice.
“You think you’re funny, don’t you?” I asked.
“I know I am. I invented humor.” The voice responded.
“Does anyone else know we’re having this conversation?” I asked.
“No. I took care of that.” said the voice.
“Fine.” I said. “Lets keep it that way. Our little secret.”
And heaven closed again, and the clouds came back together, and the birds began to chirp again.
Meh. . . I think I’ll just keep my day job.
(C) RLMcCormick
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