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Big Voice

Big Voice

The clouds parted, and the heavens opened, and lo a booming voice saith unto me, in full deep vibrato,

“Thou are’t surely a stupid ass.”

And I saith unto the booming voice –

“Aren’t you supposed to tell me something I don’t already know?”

Then saith the deep voice – “You didn’t let me finish.”

Whereupon I exclaimed ; “What! The clouds part, the heavens opened, the birds stopped chirping, and you tell me I’m a stupid ass, and I’m supposed to wait for more!?

Oh yes. . . let me just twiddle my thumbs here, and pace about in quiet anticipation. . .

Go on. . .”

“I knew that would get your attention. It always does.” Said the booming voice.

“Why do you have to aggravate the piss out of me every damn time I am supposed to learn something? Aren’t we supposed to be spiritually married? You could stop trying to impress me and help me sort the socks around here, you know. . . And would it hurt to have some chocolates and roses with a lesson once in a while?” I asked.

“Roses have thorns, which you would complain about, and the chocolates might make you fat, for which you would also blame me.” The voice said.

“So what you are saying, . . . is that I’m a stupid ass?”

“Exactly!” the booming voice laughed.

I kept my mouth shut and waited this time.

“You know, you could have a career as a writer” said, Big Voice.

“You think you’re funny, don’t you?” I asked.

“I know I am. I invented humor.” The voice responded.

“Does anyone else know we’re having this conversation?” I asked.

“No. I took care of that.” said the voice.

“Fine.” I said. “Lets keep it that way. Our little secret.”

And heaven closed again, and the clouds came back together, and the birds began to chirp again.

Meh. . . I think I’ll just keep my day job.

(C) RLMcCormick

 
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