I Don't Dance

I Don’t Dance

- looking silly is okay though.

I guess I could step onto a dance floor and wiggle around grooving to some music, and probably look silly. That sounds like something I would do, intentionally. . . But learn dance steps in advance, so I would look like I knew what I was doing? Oh no, uh uh.

In the first place, I don’t expect to be spending much quality time on dance floors, and most dance floors are in bars, so even if I did - I might not remember any of it the next day anyway. . .

In the second place, it just smacks too much of vanity to memorize dance steps to prevent my looking stupid. . .So I’ve never wanted any part of it. I’m an Aquarius. Looking stupid is my astral birthright.

Besides, I figured out the real purpose of dancing a long time ago. You see, it’s considered rude to just stand around staring at a person’s body parts – but, if they are dancing – well then, it’s perfectly okay. In fact, if you are dancing with someone, and you aren’t staring at them, it’s considered to be rude. But hey, this is the age of the internet now, and I can see more body parts online than my eyes can possibly stand, and never have to dance! Page up, page down, page up, page down, those are the moves. I’m telling you, - those are the moves. . .

I figure I’ve paid my dues already. I dance on this stage. I should be excused. I had to learn the dance steps of English grammar to get an English/Journalism degree from America’s finest journalism school, and that was plenty enough for me. . . (It’s all too much like math, really, too many rules.)

I freelance and I ignore rules whenever I choose, anyway, so do you think I am going to put in the time to memorize dance steps? Ha! Ha! Ha! “Fie upon your law!” Yeah. . . Hey, that's Shakespeare. Go look it up man. See. . . I'm like Shrek, I can tip my hat to culture and the fine arts whenever I want to.

I’ve never been a big fan, though, of convention or ritual. (I know, you are surprised, right?) They tend to repel me, actually. So it’s probably a darn good thing that I got Big Spirit easy and never had to chant my way into it by following silly rituals from the ground up.

And another thing, moderation, that isn’t my thing either. . . In America they say "All-or-nothing" and in England they say "I don't do things by halves." And my ancestors were called ‘berserker’ warriors because they believed in "win or die trying." and they didn't back down. Passionate fighters, their battle intensity only increased and got more intense the more they fought. They knew how to flow and carry momentum. . . Today we have race car drivers like that, who are known as ‘momentum’ drivers. The more laps they run under the green flag the faster they get, because they know how to flow and carry momentum.

Me, if I ever do get up to speed, I just blame it all on my ancestors after that, man. . . And, obviously, you can see where that’s another good reason for my not dancing.