Fan Mail - update 2-14-14
Fan Mail update 2/14/14
This in from Rachel:
You are NOTHING! You are not big, and you are not clever. Some of the things I've bothered to read are just trash. I'm sure you probably think you're Shakespeare in a new life so look at this. 'To thine own self be true.' - please, it will allow the female population to avoid you. You think you are funny, but really you are not. Everything you have ever done that was worth anything at all - was the result of some greater spirit using you. You make me feel sick. You are ill and you need help.
This in from Monica:
Excuse me. I’m getting a job here, and I’m supposed to have a drug screening, but I didn’t write down who I am supposed to see. Do you know where I am supposed to go?
This in from Richard:
I read every single article you wrote here, and well, I don’t like it when you write bad words, but overall I was impressed. I don’t understand the New Age stuff you are lampooning, but it was interesting. You have a very unique perspective that is fun and easy to read. You have a real knack for making deep complex things simple.
This in from Drew:
This was amazingly thought out, I truly enjoyed and grew from it!
This in from Tom:
That looks very interesting. I’ll have to read it some time.
This in from Sofie:
What an insult. I think the article should be lamb-blasted from every direction. It makes me sick that in this day and age that these prisons still exist and continue to be created and supported. I suppose you believe in demons, too. This blog has angered the Volcano Goddess....she shall spew her anger righteously...with love, but with fortitude and determination to create change. I am not angry. The goddesses and Mother Earth are the angry ones. I am not even from this planet, Thank the Holy Spirit for that!
This in from Julie:
My computer says that your site contains a ‘known threat.’
This in from Cord:
There are times when you produce some very amusing blogs for us to enjoy...
This in from a Nigerian Legal Representative
Finally, after 3 years of searching, it has been confirmed to us that you are indeed the nearest living relative to Secret Rich Guy III, who’s estate we have been commissioned by Gigantic London Bank to disburse after his untimely death.
Now Sir, if you will now just make your bank account available to us, this will make the transfer of these funds that have been willed to you possible. We will quickly discharge our duty to the estate of the deceased, and transfer $1,324,476.11 dollars into it, and we will be ever so very thankful to you.
message from Industrial Personal Products that Work:
Our penis pumps will help YOU grow 2 or more inches in just thirty days. And, if you buy our cheap discounted tablets of vigor, then you will be able to get hard and stay that way for 8 full hours per capsule! Plus, if you order in the next 24 hours, we will include a free pair of see-through boxer shorts to help you show off your new enhanced love muscle. Don't wait! Order now!
This in from Syrian National Lottery:
For several years now the happy and prosperous people of Syria have decided to share the excess bounty of their rich and prosperous lives with the world by means of a world internet lottery. Congragulations! Your internet address was randomly picked from among millions, as our contest winner second place. Our Federated National Bank is ready to transfer your winnings into your account. Please verify your internet address to us by replying with your bank account and personal information so that we may deliver your funds to you promptly.
This in from Michele:
Your $5 contribution can help me stand up against the evil greedy Republicans and their War On Women, that want to take away all of our rights and force our children to eat fat-laden unnatural processed poison food. It’s critical that we act right now. Can I count on you?
This in from The Lung Brothers:
Do you know that the pillow that you sleep on contains an average of 15,000 tiny dust mites that wait until you fall asleep each night and then pounce on your face, digging in their sharp little claws and ripping horrible bites out of your complexion? Yes. You know that there is not enough cold cream in the entire world to undo that kind of ongoing damage every night, right? Isn’t it no wonder that you look the way you do? It saps the energy of your entire body trying to make up for this nightly raw destruction. How long can you endure this onslaught? Wouldn’t you like to be able to look in a mirror again and see a healthy glow? Now you can.
This in from Dr. Yes Wants You to Succeed:
You have been chosen for this golden opportunity. Consider this. Your sexual deprivation could be the key to your success. Because, believe it or not, there are dozens of single women in your area that want to have sex with you - Right Now! What are you waiting for? After reading our book ‘How to Sleep with Women’ you will be primed and ready to go! Your services will be in real demand, and you could easily make enough money in just one or two nights to cover the price of the book. Why punch a time clock and be abused and unappreciated, when you can be your own boss and work for yourself while being appreciated by thousands of happy women? Listen, if you don’t grab this opportunity, someone else will, and this is a limited time offer! So, start your future Right Now, and live the good life that you deserve. Dr. Yes has made his fortune already. Now, it brings him great joy to share his secrets with lucky people like you, in his book, for only $199 each! Don’t be ‘That Guy’ who limits himself to drinking only stale beer his whole life. GET THE BOOK and start the good life that you really deserve.
This in from Serpent Dude:
There is no such thing as evil. We are all One. We are already each perfect. You just need to release that fear that paralyzes you, and embrace your dark shadow self, to achieve perfect balance and harmony.
That's a wrap for this update.
