Wild Fun with Reiki Mon

You can check out, but you can never leave . . .

"On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair. . ."

I drove to my Reiki appointment, with the esteemed Reiki healer Mr. Lulu.

He invited me in.

Polite bow.

"Welcome. I Dr. Lulu, 91st level Shamballa Grand Master of Transformational Ecstatic Ascension Sugar Ecstasy Reiki. He waited for my reation, shook his head a bit. With a big smile, he added an eplanation for a novice like me: "My candy bar cost much money, but last long long time."

Grinning proud polite low bow.

"Also have training Golden Intermodel Prana, and Iced Cupcake Kundalini form." He wanted to add that, but none of it registered with me.

Polite bow.

He waved and gestured with his hands. "Have access to sooo many secret magic symbol now. . .. Had tattoo them on private parts." He smiled. "Is good reference for quick session," he explained. "Butt got big infection. Out two weeks!" He pursed his lips and made a sour face. "Don't recommend you try at home." He shook his head back and forth.

Quickly, on to something else. (He could tell I had no interest in having magic symbols tattooed on my private parts.)

"So good. Ok. This how work. . . Think my butt big funnel. . . I take in big load energy, and funnel all through body, and then come out hands, a tune for you. You pay fee, and leave, all stupid happy." "Then, I funnel fee to bank and they stupid happy too."

"Proper balance."

"I study and train long long time to be good funnel. Take bath TWO times a year! Am in tune with much powerful radiant energy. . . and have much magic tattoos, if you want see."

Ugh, no thanks.

"So, after while, you get feel down sluggish, no problem! Come get tune. Just like car. Come see me, I change oil. You drive again smooth happy."

"Reminds me, yes" he said "once had wife, she seek a tune me with fists. Whoa!" He made a face of exaggerated shock. "I learn long time ago, no good. Fist need brass knuckle for higher frequency. Strike proper balance."

Okay.

"Ohhh yes!" He cautioned. "Must beware! Beware! Not everybody say 'Reiki' have soft gentle good hands like me. Some very rough, yes, use fist, sharp rock crystal, cold stone. Very bad. Bad tune for you! No excuse. Should not tolerate bad Reiki." He insisted. "Bad, bad, bad! He exclaimed.

"So, I ready now attune you to Reiki spirit. You say permission. Say: "I want to let Reiki spirit live in me. I want let Reiki spirit into my life.' Then I focus on magical Snail Mayo symbol, and lay hands on you, and you receive Reiki spirit, get tuned up! Big energy! Join Reiki grid!" . . . "What you say?" "You ready now?"

"Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air. . ."

#humor #lampoon