My Crystal Vortex Thingy

Help! - I found a dimensional portal!

Ok, so I had this drawer in the bottom of my wardrobe/dresser that I threw all my old T-shirts into that I use for yard work and painting and stuff. Well, it's been several years since I've opened it. But I finally moved the Nubian Sphinx that I keep on my bedroom floor from sitting in front of it. So, I get this wild hair the other day, and what do you know, I opened the drawer back up.

WOW!. Yep, just like all those channeling's you've been reading, there it was, a Galactic Crystal Star Vortex thingy. A portal to the 18th Dimension was now open and all spiral looking, swirling around in my drawer. Well, I thought about climbing into it, you know? It might be like that famous movie about somebody else's magic wardrobe, and there might be hunky guys and beautiful bodacious babes on the other side . . .maybe. . .

But then I stopped and realized - that I really didn't know a dang thing about the 18th Dimension. . . So I thought, I should better check this out first.

*whispers:* I think it might be Lanarkin. *wink*

Now, I know, for instance, that there is a great deal of really painful stretching involved when you go from laying-flat-on-the-page 2nd Dimension, into full 3D 3rd Dimension. . . I also know, that the 4th Dimension can really mess up your timing and throw all your cycles off, . . . and that, when you go into the 5th Dimension, your ego really really grows big and stretches and just goes wild. . . So, I am thinking, that probably going into the 18th Dimension - is maybe going to just hurt like hell. You know what I'm saying?

So, does anybody know for sure?

Somebody asked me, "Well, is it a galactic worm hole, or a dimensional gateway? Which scared me silly, because that drawer is really pretty good size, you know, and I shudder to think of how big any worm might be that would inhabit that drawer now, in my bedroom. Ugh!!! No! I hope not.

So, how can a person tell anyway? I looked, and there are no labels on it anywhere. . . It just spins silently.

I'll just have to guess at the Sodium content.

Have you ever had one of these things in your bedroom? How can you be sure if it is a galactic worm hole, or if it is a dimensional gateway?

I asked it, but it didn't say anything! It just continued that eerie spinning and churning of ethereal mist and clouds.

I need help with this one guys! Look, I tossed a doggy biscuit into it, and it didn't come back out.

I hope I haven't upset the whole balance of the universe. I can only imagine what that doggy biscuit might look like now in the 18th Dimension.

Oh God, I hope it didn't take over the 18th Dimension! But, on the other hand, if this portal is like a hungry alien vortex plant thingy, well then, at least it's been temporarily fed.

OMG. Now I'm having night terrors. I probably never should have done that. I really hope nothing follows the path of that biscuit - back here, looking for another meal. Yikes!

And what about my makeup?

I mean, if I go through that portal thingy, I might end up on my face right on the great round table of The Galactic High Council of Smart and Benevolent Ascended Beings. My sudden appearance - might interrupt those guys from singing a very important camp song or something, and they might be really pissed at me!

Or worse, I might interrupt one of those vitally important repetitive messages they channel to encourage us while we wait for them to reveal themselves.

Maybe I'm not even supposed to know about the portal that I found! Maybe my Sphinx was guarding it!

I don't know. . . Has your Sphinx ever crapped out a portal?

Maybe "they" just use it secretly at night while I'm sleeping. . . Maybe "they" arrive silently through the portal and tap into my mind for solutions to all the problems of the universe.

Nice. I could mess up the whole freakin universe here guys! If I haven't already.

This is just totally TOO SERIOUS!

I need your thoughts on this! I want to be able to get through this, and be able to freely sing my song again ("I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay!"). So please, help me identify it. . .Tell me what it is, and how to use it. I know SOMEBODY here has probably had a similar experience with something like this before, right?