FEELING MYSELF UP

- 2011 Spring Solstice spiritual check-up

Ok, Spring Solstice, so probably a good day to take my spiritual temperature and see if I'm still alive (some other blogger suggested that), maybe look at some of my more boring qualities, and maybe find some inspiration. OK, - here goes-

REVEALING FULL MOON _/ check Ok.

One thing I have learned, is not to drink a lot of tea before you sit down to type up a long post. This was revealed to me today. . . Tea might be a 'spiritual' drink, but it's not very practical unless you type waaay faster than I do, or have very little to say.

SUPER MOON ON THE SOLSTICE _/ check

I like mine over easy with Teriyaki or Bourbon sauce, thanks! And can I get an order of fries on the side? Oh bother. I guess the solstice really means the amount of daylight and darkness are evenly balanced today. Borrrrrrrrinnnng.

And, I guess the Super Moon usually means that you've somehow offended a very large fat person in the backseat of the car in front of you. Which I guess is kind of revealing, but transitory. Inspiring, I guess.

SPIRITUAL GUIDES & FRIENDS _/ check

Oh yes, I too got friends in low places. I too have famous, powerful, Archangels and high-ranking elevated aliens, and beings from all the highest spiritual planes that visit my house. Yes, all the freakin time. Yep. I make them all wipe their feet, though. You never know where those spirits have been. No shoes or sandals on my carpet! And do you know, not even one of them will help clean my toilet.

No, but they do all love my brownies! When I cook brownies, the aroma is just heavenly, it fills the house and it attracts a big crowd of the spiritually well-endowed. It always works, because I always bake with only the best and highest intentions, which takes care of everything.

Seriously, all they want to do is worm their way up close to me and whisper in my ear - "I have a little message I want you to channel for me." No. No no no a thousand times no. I'm just not that kind of girl. Heck, I never have been. They might as well be asking me to have their baby.

You just have to put them straight, be firm with them, and let them know not to be expecting that sort of stuff from us. You have to draw boundaries, to keep a good relationship, otherwise they just run all over you and abuse you. That's how it is honey. If one of those mighty archangels gets out of line, I just crack them on the ass with my cotton dish towel. I tell 'em there's plenty of spiritual prostitutes out there more than willing to entertain them if they feel the need. . . Don't go crawling up in my stuff, just because they feel an urge now and then. Uh uh honey. Tthat ain't how we roll around this place.

SPIRITUAL WORDS _/ check

Oh yeah. I was given a very important meditation today: "Milk, it does a body good."I think, obviously, this being a very important day, that if we all say this new mantra today, we can really energize the sex lives of some very bored cows.

Listen, they do this mantra stuff in Tibet all the darn time. So you know it must be good. And, they have really humpy cows in Tibet. You might have seen them. They sort of look like camel-cows. Probably there is more about this in the Tibetan Book of Agriculture. I was just too lazy to look it up. But, you could do it Tibetan cows might be important to your ascension or spiritual growth. In fact, I bet if you really put a lot of effort into this, you might come to the end of yourself, and then have a real Zen experience.

Sometimes these mantras are better if they are are in some foreign language. It's true, I know you sound like you are just babbling repetitive gibberish, but sometimes I think this can be better, you know? Obviously your family won't be blessed by it, but I find that I can more easily shout out gibberish with the best intentions and highest vibrations, when I have no freakin clue l what I'm really saying. I just imagine it to be good and wonderful. So I never look mantras up, just incase I get the translation back and it means something like "I have a hole in my leather sandal," or "please direct me to the water closet" or something like that. . .

But I didn't get this new mantra that I got from the Archangels translated into Tibetan, or whatever they call that language of high places. I was too lazy. . . So, probably you might find it more effective if you plug this into Babblefish and try to say whatever the translation is, repetitively in your best Tibetan and highest spiritual voice, pretending that you really don’t know what it means. Then maybe we could all amuse the cows together.

TWIN FLAMES _/ check

Yep, even I, when I have trouble starting the fire in my fireplace, sometimes end up with twin flames. . . Actually, I have several twin flames. I'll just mention a couple of them I have connected with.

Okay, one is a dark gothic goddess with a really big sword and very militant attitude, that rules over predictions and fortune telling. Sometimes I call her my Gypsy Queen, but mostly I just refer to Her Darkness as my hunny-bunny-o-sweetie-baby-o-pookie bear -sugar luv. She really hates when I do that. But, I think I'm the only one who can do it and actually get away with it, so it does make me feel really special.

Then there is my other Twin Flame, the alien Queen. She makes me all warm and fuzzy too, when she's not busy laying eggs. She has ten tentacles, i think, and like fifteen all-seeing compound eyes. . .She doesn't really have legs, so she's not very mobile, but she's always wet and she slithers well. . . I guess it is one of those opposites-attract sort of things. But she does have really good tentacles. It's a very spiritual thing, really. A perfect union of two hearts. At least, I think she has two hearts, maybe she has three.

GROUP ACTION _/ check

Yeah, this is getting me all fired up, ready to go.

It really works. I think maybe the time has come for light workers to join together in group action, don't you? I mean, I'm not talking about everyone flushing their toilets all at the same time and taking down the sewer company. No. Heck, we all did that back in the 60's and 70's. The Powers That Be all responded by just installing bigger sewer pipes. What I am thinking of, however, is slightly more spiritual and less organic.

I'm talking about what if we all sent our energy to the same place at the same time?

I know, it really is a good idea!

Okay, here's what I'm thinking about: The Russian Kamchatka Peninsula, has around 160 volcanoes, and 29 of them are considered active. The Kizimen, and Shiveluch volcanoes, started erupting in February, just before the big Japan quake. If we all send our energy there, to Kamchatka, at the same time, I'm thinking we could have like some massive and totally awesome radical fireworks, whatdaya say? We could get all 29 active volcanoes spouting off like Roman candles! Now that would really be a big bonfire to celebrate the Spring solstice, yes?

#humor #lampoon #ascension